


Complicated

by Aniel_H



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, BDSM, Complicated Relationships, D/s, Handcuffs, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:58:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aniel_H/pseuds/Aniel_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some relationships are complicated. And some relationships are even more complicated, especially if you're commander Nile Dawk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what should I say... Enjoy? ^_^ And also sorry for my English... You can also contact me on [tumblr](http://let-iit-rock.tumblr.com)

Most of people hate paperwork. They find it boring, tiring or exhausting. Fortunately, Nile Dawk wasn’t ‘most of people’ and he actually enjoyed the paperwork, especially late at night when most of people were sleeping. It was strangely calming: sitting in the light of a candle, slowly and relaxedly smoking and drinking good branded wine and occasionally some stronger liquor – Nile had been always fan of a quality whisky. It helped him calm his mind usually.

But today it wasn’t as usual.

His hands were shaking. Why were they shaking? He was a _commander_. Commander’s hands shouldn’t be shaking, no matter what. He was a leader, he was supposed to be strong, decisive and set a good example.

The paperwork didn’t calm him like he hoped for.

And whose fault was that? Nobody would have guessed.

Meeting with his mother and his sisters was always unpleasant for Nile.

It wasn’t like Nile hated them, no – the other way around, he loved them with all his heart. It was just…

Nile sighed and grabbed his pack of cigarettes – today he’d already smoked a lot of them but he still needed another and another.

Nile’s father was in Scouting legion and after his death, Nile’s mother became bitter. Nile was six years old at that time, his first sister Nina was three and Nile’s mother was pregnant with Nicole. And because he was the oldest and only son it was expected from him to become a strong man who would marry soon and who would take care of the family. The whole family. That was the main reason why he joined the Military Police. His family could be in the safety of the Wall Sina.

But as he pointed out, his mother was bitter. Sometimes she was nice but sometimes (most of time) she was really mean to Nile. Although she always said she would be proud of him no matter what, Nile remembered the look of disappointment when he told her that he would join the MP. And it was her who told him to join them in the first place. When Nile thought about it, she probably wanted him to man up and join the Scouting Legion as his father did.

Unfortunately, today’s afternoon was one of these when his mother wasn’t in good mood. And so she did the thing she always did when she wasn’t in good mood – she criticized.

It was supposed to be a fine afternoon with his mother, Nicole and her fiancé, Nina and her husband and their three year old son. Instead Nile’s mother kept telling him he should take an example from his sisters, that he should find a woman because he grew old and with his face he couldn’t expect some girl to be waiting for him.

It wasn’t like Nile didn’t know how he looked like, he was very aware he wasn’t handsome like Erwin or cute like Marlo. He knew he was only an average guy… well, maybe below the average… he knew that he should find a girl. And he knew his mother loved him, but the words she said sometimes…

He didn’t even know how he felt? Surely, he wasn’t calm right now. So how exactly he felt? Disappointed? Hurt? Sad?... Maybe he felt all of these at once.

And the paperwork wasn’t helping him to keep his mind busy. He’d been reading this report minutes ago and suddenly he realized his eyes weren’t moving and he was thinking about the family reunion again. And when he tried to read again, he stopped without realizing it again and thought about it again and again. He felt sting behind his eyes.

Nile knew he wanted… no, needed to let it all go. But he didn’t want to. Well, he wanted but…

He groaned and leaned back in his chair. It was so, so complicated. Although he knew how unappealing his physical appearance was, he was still a very proud man and coming to someone for help with his personal problems was just… humiliating.

But he _needed_ it.

Nile closed his eyes and hid his face in his hands, taking a deep breath before he pulled himself together so he’d give impression of being self-confident person.

Then he got on up and walked to the door, quickly opening them. The man who was on the guard in front of Nile’s office was leaning against a wall, snoozing.

“Hey!” Nile said sharply. The man widened his eyes immediately, blushing and probably scared, too, seeing how angry Nile looked… but Nile usually looked angry all the time even when he actually wasn’t.

“Yes, sir?” the man asked nervously.

“Go and get Commander Smith. Tell him…” Nile licked his lips, his heart started to beat faster as he was trying to put it into the right words. “Tell him that I’m willing to discuss his offer from a week ago.”

The man blinked, evidently confused. “But sir… It’s the middle of the night.”

Nile frowned. “It’s not even past midnight, Commander Smith is surely awake so go and get him. Then you are free to go to sleep.”

“Yes, sir.” the man nodded and went.

Fortunately, Erwin had been in the wall Sina these days. Like every year, military commanders were in the Sina trying to get the highest possible budget. That included a lot of parties and a lot of toadying. Nile, Pixis and Erwin were very good at it but neither of them enjoyed it.

Nile carefully closed the door and went to his table, taking a cigarette into his trembling hand. Shit, this was so embarrassing, so humiliating!

And it was all Erwin’s fault! After the blonde bastard arrived in the Sina, Nile invited him to his home for a drink in Nile’s quarters. Erwin agreed although they weren’t that close in few years and the blond had always refused the same offer many times before. The raven-haired commander asked just out of habit, not really expecting him to say yes. But he did and if he didn’t, Nile wouldn’t be where he was now – feeling embarrassed and humiliated.

There was a knock on the door, only one. Nile’s hands started to tremble even more. He snubbed out the cigarette and headed to the door, trying to look anyhow but nervous. He probably hadn’t done very good job with that but whatever.

He opened the door and faced Erwin. The taller man obviously wasn’t asleep when Nile sent for him because he was still in his perfect uniform. His icy, blue eyes met Nile’s and they left him speechless as they did many times before. It took him few seconds before he cleared his throat and instinctively lowered his eyes, saying: “Come in.”

Erwin’s lips curved a little – Nile should’ve known this wouldn’t go so easily. “I think I forgot what my offer was. Could you remind me, please, before I’ll come in?”

Nile felt his cheeks burn, so, trying to hide his embarrassment, he snapped angrily: “You know very well what the offer was, Erwin!”

“I don’t recall.” Erwin said smugly. “If you won’t say it I’m going to leave.”

Nile clenched his jaw and gulped. “You offered me to give me what I need.”

The raven-haired commander didn’t even have to look at the blond’s face to know Erwin was smirking with self-satisfaction. “Oh, I remember now. But what exactly was that what you need?”

Nile looked back in Erwin’s eyes, now really angry. “Are you really going to make me do this, you son of a bitch?!”

The blond raised his perfect eyebrows. “I can turn around, leave and this conversation never happened.”

“Alright, alright.” Nile hissed. “I want… I want you to do the thing you’ve done the last time and… and more…”

Erwin smiled and said: “Good, good.” reaching for Nile, caressing his cheek like he would be trying to calm a scared animal and Nile was very grateful that the blond didn’t say ‘good boy’ because that would be more humiliating than anything else and Nile would probably call this whole thing off.

A part of Nile wanted to push Erwin’s hand aside and the other part wanted to rub into the touch.

After a minute, Erwin entered the room and locked the door. Nile was glad for that since he didn’t want anyone to disturb their… scene.

Erwin slowly and somehow proudly walked to Nile’s desk and sat on Nile’s chair as if it was him who owned it and not Nile.

It pissed Nile off but before he could say something about it, Erwin said: “We should determinate the rules of our scenes before we start them.”

Nile frowned, confused. “What? What rules?”

“We need to determinate what is okay with you and what’s not. And we should also discuss the safeword. I’ve been told these things are very important.”

The raven-haired blinked. “You’ve been told?” he asked and then snapped angrily: “You told someone about this you bastard?! Who did you ask; the imp or that crazy woman?!”

Erwin raised his eyebrow, obviously amused. “You call Levi an imp?”

“I asked you a question!”

The blond rested his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. “You don’t need to worry about that. I won’t tell anyone that Nile Dawk likes to be pushed down to his knees.”

Nile clenched his jaw. “You bastard, I-”

“Nile,” Erwin interrupted his speech calmly. “Just the two of us are here, just you and me, and we both know the truth. There is no one to impress.” Nile still had the urge to fight him even though he wasn’t sure about what. And Erwin continued: “Now, tell me what you wish our safeword would be?”

“Can’t it just be ‘stop’?” Nile whined. He really sucked at coming up with this kind of things.

Erwin shook his head. “You can say ‘stop’ without really meaning it. You should choose a word you wouldn’t normally use in these situations. Something important to you and something easily rememberable or-”

Nile opened his mouth before he could stop his words or change his mind: “What about ‘Mike’?”

The blond paused in surprise and they just stared at each other for a while. Then Erwin slowly said: “Yes, I think ‘Mike’ would be appropriate… If you’ll be uncomfortable with something, I want you to say it and we stop, alright?”

Nile grunted his agreement.

“Good.” Erwin licked his lips and smirked, before he said in a low, commanding voice: “And I'm ‘sir’ or ‘Commander’ to you from now on, understood?”

Nile clenched his jaw again trying to fight the pleasant feeling of excitement in his stomach that was caused by Erwin’s words. But the blond was right – it was only the two of them here and there was nobody he would impress. “Yes, sir.”

Erwin watched Nile for few seconds, perfectly comfortable in Nile’s chair. “Take off your clothes, commander Dawk.”

Without realizing it, Nile’s shaking hand found a buckle strap, undoing it. The raven-haired commander hated it. He hated it so much and especially the smug smirk on Erwin’s face. And yet he loved it at the same time.

Erwin was watching him the whole time with eager eyes, watching every part of Nile’s imperfect body and it made Nile more uncomfortable than anything else. Without stopping looking, Erwin grabbed the glass of Nile’s whisky and drank.

“That’s mine, you bastard.” Nile snapped, taking off his shirt.

“Really?” Erwin looked at the glass, then back at Nile and drank from the glass again.

Nile made an angry noise and finally got rid of his pants, feeling completely exposed and vulnerable.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Erwin raised his eyebrows. “Come here.”

Nile felt like he was blushing, when he started walking to Erwin obediently.

“No.” Erwin’s voice was not cold but it didn’t leave any space for an argument either. “Crawl to me.”

Nile’s face turned red even more as he got on his four and did what Erwin asked for. When he was kneeling between Erwin’s legs, Nile instinctively rubbed his face into the blond’s knee. Erwin made a pleasant noise and he smiled almost kindly. One of his hands petted Nile’s hair and then moved to his face. Erwin’s thumb ran across Nile’s eyelids, his eyebrows and when he touched his lips, Nile whimpered and opened his mouth, sucking on Erwin’s thumb.

Nile thought he had to look ridiculous but he decided that he would be ashamed later. Now, he was going to enjoy this.

Erwin smiled hungrily before he ran his fingers through Nile’s hair, almost violently pulled them and tilted Nile’s head back. Then the blond drove his three fingers into the Nile’s mouth. He received a broken groan from the raven-haired commander and then Nile slowly ran his tongue over his fingers.

Nile had been hard rock by the time and Erwin had a bulge in his pants.

“What a naughty mouth you have, Mr. Dawk.” Erwin purred. “I wonder what else you could do with it.”

Nile closed his eyes, whining. His face turned red again. Whether it was embarrassment or arousal, Erwin wasn’t sure – but he had the feeling it was both.

The blond played with Nile’s tongue, moving with his fingers and fascinatedly watched how obedient Nile could be.

After few minutes, Erwin pulled his fingers away, after which Nile groaned discontentedly.

The blond laughed a little when he saw how red Nile’s face became once again when he realized what noise he made. Erwin leaned down and pressed his lips on Nile’s.

The kiss wasn’t romantic or slow; Erwin was eager and deepened the kiss very quickly. Nile made a surprised but horny noise and completely submitted to him, letting Erwin’s tongue to exploring and ravaging his mouth.

The blond’s leg moved and his feet started to slowly and painfully rub against Nile’s crotch. It hurt because Erwin still had his boots on, but Nile enjoyed the pain and groaned into the kiss.

After a while, Erwin pulled away from Nile and stopped to rub Nile’s crotch. He reminded Nile of a king sitting on his throne. “Let’s see what else you can do with that filthy mouth of yours.”

Nile nodded and fixed his eyes on Erwin’s crotch, trying to unzip his pants. It would too humiliating to look into the blond’s eyes.

 They’d done this before, so Nile wasn’t exactly surprised by Erwin size but it was certainly the first time Erwin’s penis was so close to Nile’s face.

“Are you waiting for a written invitation?” Erwin asked impatiently.

“No.”

“No, what?”

Nile gulped before he swallowed his pride and said: “No, sir.”

Erwin smiled, almost kindly and ran his fingers through Nile’s hair, petting him. “Good.”

The man between his legs paused again, he looked at it with interest and maybe a little of anxiety. Then, slowly, carefully, he drew his mouth closer and licked.

And if someone entered Nile’s office saying the colossal titan appeared again, Erwin wouldn’t notice.

And Nile was getting his mouth around Erwin’s cock in few seconds. Seriously Erwin had never seen anyone to take it in mouth so eagerly. And the blond realized that Nile wanted to impress him. That was nothing new – Nile always wanted to impress everybody.

Erwin smiled and decided to let him. Nile sucked, gracelessly, trying to get as much of Erwin’s cock in his mouth as he could, making loud, and embarrassing noises. The raven-haired commander had the feeling he was drooling.

Erwin groaned approvingly above him, and his hands were suddenly cupping Nile’s face, fingers probing, testing at his jawline as it worked. The blond thought that Nile’s cheekbones were very, very attractive. Especially, right now, when Nile’s mouth was sucking his cock.

Erwin’s breathes started to be heavy. He closed his eyes and petted Nile’s hair. “That’s it, Nile. Good.”

Nile seemed to gain more self-confidence by it because he took the blond’s cock even deeper.

The noise that escaped Erwin’s lips made Nile proud. Everything seemed to be perfect, before Erwin suddenly moved his hips upward and pushed Nile’s nape down on his penis.

Nile felt how his stomach twisted due to his gag-reel. Quickly, he pulled away, coughing, and faced to the ground. He had the feeling he was about to throw up and what could be worse than doing it right into Erwin’s lap.

Immediately, he felt Erwin’s fingers in his hair, trying to comfort him. The touch was _so_ pleasant and he wanted to rub into it but instead he pushed Erwin’s hand away and snapped: “You bastard, don’t do things like these all of sudden.”

The blond smiled, seeing Nile was alright and grabbed him by his chin and squeezed. Then he said: “It wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t have such dirty, eager mouth!”

Nile didn’t know he could have such merciless face and even though it was really disturbing to see this part of Erwin, it excited him. And he also realized one thing.

The raven-haired commander smirked, which surprised Erwin, and said: “So, you are enjoying this as well, huh? I should’ve known you’d be a pervert.”

Erwin had a sparkle in his eyes. Nile hadn’t seen such sparkle in many years. Usually, Erwin had this look in his eyes just before some of his prank was about to happen. “I think you should shut up and bend over the desk.”

“Fuck you!”

The blond lowered his head, so he looked straight into Nile’s eyes. “Bend over the desk. Don’t make me say it a third time.”

Nile gulped, but then awkwardly got on his feet, doing what Erwin asked for.

For few seconds he just was in this position, feeling blood rushing to his face. He heard a rusting noise and he wanted to turn around, but Erwin said: “You won’t move until I tell you.” and Nile didn’t.

He heard how Erwin was looking for something in the drawers of his desk but he obeyed to the blond’s order and didn’t turn around.

Then Erwin took Nile’s hands by wrists and twisted them almost gently behind his back, handcuffing him with his own handcuffs.

“You should see yourself right now, Nile.” Erwin purred with gently voice, which was in contrast to his very hard squeeze on Nile’s ass. “Completely exposed. You look delicious.”

Nile was blushing again, not really sure what he should say – he wasn’t even sure if he should say something at all. And so he did what he always did when he was nervous, he mumbled: “G-Go to hell, you bastard!”

Nile didn’t know what expression Erwin had, but he felt a big hand running along his back to his nape and then wrapping his fingers around Nile’s neck but didn’t choke him – only so he could feel his blood rush through his veins. “We both know you want it. You should show me some respect. Who else would do such a thing to you if not me, huh?... Oh sorry, I forgot who you are – of course you would spread your legs to anyone, wouldn’t you?”

Nile shivered, pleased by Erwin’s actions and words. He loved the way Erwin was talking to him and that was what he hated. He hated the fact that he loved being this humiliated.

Then Nile felt Erwin’s crotch pressed against his bottom. The blond leaned down, letting his chest and upper half of body rest on Nile’s back. “I’m going to prepare you, alright?”

The raven-haired commander had no idea how Erwin could be so… changeable like this. One second he was humiliating him and the other his voice was kind and gentle. And he liked this unpredictable part of Erwin.

“Yes… _sir_.” Nile said and after the words left his mouth, he felt Erwin’s fingers grabbing his chin again but this time so they could passionately kiss. Nile felt so hot he thought he was going to melt.

“It’s good to know you can be obedient.” Erwin said when they stopped the kiss, gasping for air. The blond looked around. “Do you have any lube here?”

Nile face turned red once again. “Who the hell do you think I am? Why would I keep such things in my office, idiot?”

The blond’s lips curved a little as he looked around again to find something. When he realized that Nile had nothing in his office that could be used as a lube, he spat on his hands as much saliva as he could and almost painfully slowly entered Nile with one finger.

A surprised hiss escaped Nile’s lips. “You bastard, couldn’t you warn me at--ooh!” Nile jumped a little when Erwin pushed his finger deeper inside of him. The blond waited for few seconds, carefully hearing Nile’s heavy breathing and waiting for the man underneath him to be more relaxed.

When he thought it was enough, Erwin slipped in a second finger and stretched him slowly. Nile was still hot and tight – Erwin had to remind himself it was Nile’s only second time with a man.

Without stopping stretching him, he ran his second hand along Nile’s back and then scratched, not deep enough to draw blood, but it still hurt and left red marks. Nile closed his eyes and soft moan escaped his lips.

Erwin pushed a third finger in and Nile almost screamed, the sound he made was broken and desiring and it was one of the most delicious sounds that Erwin ever had heard. The blond wanted to hear more of it.

He twisted his fingers, moving them out and in Nile’s body, trying to find that spot and when he did; he heard another sweet sound that turned him on.

He pulled his fingers out whereupon Nile whined again, and then the blond bent down, pressing his still fully clothed body on Nile’s.

“Do you want me to fuck you, Nile?” he asked in low, seductive voice, brushing his lips and teeth against Nile’s earlobe.

“Yes, sir.” This time Nile didn’t even hesitate to suppress his needs.

“And why do you need it?” Erwin pulled by the earlobe by his teeth.

Nile shivered. “Because you are good at it, sir.”

“No, I’m not good at it, Nile.” the blond ran along the earlobe with his tongue and dug his fingers into Nile’s ass. “I’m the best man you’ll ever have. I’m going to make you come so hard you’ll forget your own name.”

Nile chuckled and with insolent voice said: “You don’t lack of self-confidence.”

“I know my abilities.” Erwin purred, straightened up and slowly pushed his hard cock into Nile. The commander under him was sweating; his mouth fell open with silent moan and Erwin didn’t stop moving until he was in him to the hilt.

Nile was squirming and gasping for breath under him and the blond would’ve lie if he said he did not like it. The heat of Nile’s body was really, really amazing but the way he was squirming around his cock was making it even better. But that didn’t mean he didn’t care for the comfort of the other person.

He stroked Nile’s back with his fingers gently, but his voice was harsh when he spoke: “Is it too much for you to take, commander Dawk? Should I stop?”

“F-Fuck no!” Nile hissed, still trying to take a breath. “I can take it.”

“Good.” Erwin didn’t wait any longer and started to move. He took Nile’s hips, digging his fingers in the skin and probably leaving bruises. Erwin was slow at first, waiting for Nile to beg him for it.

And he didn’t wait for too long. Soon, harsh words and praises flowed over Nile’s lips as he was trying to ground his hips back, moaning loudly. But he couldn’t move with them very much, because Erwin’s grab on them was too strong. He clenched his fists.

“E-Erwin…” he whined when the blonde man grazed over his prostate and sent waves of pleasure over his body – it was small miracle he was still capable of talking. “S-Sir… o-oh… please… f-faster!”

Nile bit on his tongue, trying to stifle some of his embarrassing noises but they were still coming from his throat.

Then he arched his back sharply as Erwin slammed into him, finally setting a rough, hard pace. His cock slid in deeper with every thrust, grazing over Nile’s sweet spot and making him moan. Nile chocked back a loud cry as Erwin crashed directly into his prostate, making his eyes rolling back and his body starting to shake.

Erwin bent down again, letting Nile feeling his weight and warm on his back. One of his hands slid under Nile, found his nipple and gave it a hard squeeze while the other one took Nile’s chin and turned his face so the blond kissed him passingly and possessively. Both groaned into the kiss, Nile completely submitting to Erwin.

“You’re so good, Nile, so good.” Erwin whispered when they broke the kiss. “I wish… y-you could see how… a-amazing you look like right now…”

Nile closed his eyes and whined again. The blond didn’t stop and kept showering him with praises and compliments, telling him how good he was, how perfect his responds to each Erwin’s touches were. Nile realized he liked it when Erwin told him he was filthy, but he loved to hear this, too.

The raven-haired man was trembling in pleasure and soon he felt himself driving to his climax. Erwin was probably close too, because he was grunting like an animal and his thrust became more violent; rougher and faster.

The raven-haired commander made a broken sound as he came violently all over his own desk. Erwin groaned as Nile’s inner walls were pulsing around him and came shortly after him. They both were panting for a while, completely unable of anything else.

The blond rested his head in the middle of Nile’s shoulder blades.

Nile snapped at him when he managed to catch his breath. “You didn’t even take off your clothes.”

“You didn’t ask me to.” Erwin smirked.

Nile would probably start to complain again, if Erwin didn’t press his lips against his in a slow, relaxed kiss.

Then the blonde commander straightened up and pulled a tissue out of his pocket, helping Nile to clean himself.

“Can’t you take down the handcuffs first?” Nile grunted. “My arms hurt like hell.”

“Alright.” Erwin put away the tissue and pulled out the drawer where the handcuffs before were. He frowned as couldn’t find the keys in it.

“Where exactly are the keys?”

“In the drawer, where else would they be??” Nile asked impatiently. He didn’t want to be in this... state for too long.

Erwin looked also in the other drawer with the same result. “They are not here.”

“That’s impossible and… wait, where are you going?!” Nile panicked a little when he saw Erwin zipping his pants and going to the door.

“I’m going to get something to break the handcuffs. Stay put.”

Nile stared at him unbelievingly. “Stay pu… Erwin! No! Get your ass and your stupid eyebrows back here! Don’t leave me here like this!”

But the blond was already in the doorway.

“The keys are maybe in the pocket of my pants! Erwin!!”

Nile didn’t know if Erwin didn’t hear him or just decided to piss him off (but he had the feeling it was the second option).

So Nile was waiting for Erwin’s return, his eyes fixed on the door, looking with his eyes wide open until the candle burned out. Then he couldn’t be looking at anything. He just hoped he’d have a good opportunity to retaliate this.


	2. Chapter 2

„My point is that your two subordinates put Miller in danger and she could’ve died. And I’m not even talking about how they ruined four-month planning mission.” Nile’s face was a bit red with anger as he looked at Erwin on the opposite side of the table.

Besides them there were still Pixis and Dallis – Dallis was sitting at the head of the table and Pixis opposite him. The problem was primarily between Nile and Erwin and those two were there to listen impartially and then Dallis was supposed to say the final judgment.

The blond commander didn’t let a single emotion crack his calm and serene expression on his face. “Commander Dawk,” he said in a smooth tone. “I’d like to remind you that it was you who decided that only few people would know about this ‘mission’. Neither I nor my men knew about it, they thought it was only proper to go say hi to their friend.”

“Seriously, Erwin? Friend?!” Nile snapped. “Erwin, they’ve never been friends! In the moment they’ve seen her they started to shout at her if it was alright for a member of Military Police to go somewhere alone with two men so lately at night and she was acting like a loose woman – such thing would be never spoken between friends! But now, let’s overlook the fact that it’s nothing of their business that she was with two men – because of your soldiers, her undercover was ruined and in the moment the two suspect men realized who she was, they stabbed her in her abdomen and she will be recovering from her injuries for few following weeks.”

“It’s not my men’s fault that she went with them outside of underground, commander Dawk.” Erwin was so stoic and apathetic and it drove Nile insane – and not in the good way!

“And it’s not Miller’s fault your men drunk themselves so much they weren’t able to walk straight!” Nile hissed angrily but his tone didn’t have any effect on Erwin’s expression. The blond still seemed like he was on the top of things and so in control. It was almost like he was laughing at Nile without actually laughing.

“Commander Dawk, you seem to be very affected by this thing.” he said. “Is it because you and Miss Miller were close?”

“W-What? No! And what the hell does that to do with thi-”

“I think I heard enough.” Dallis interrupted the raven-haired commander. “Commander Smith, I expect you to punish your soldiers by your discretion.”

“Of course, sir.” Erwin bowed his head a little as a sign of agreement.

“But, sir-“

“That’s my final decision, commander Dawk.”

Nile fixed his eyes on the table. He felt how his heart was racing with rage and he clenched his fists.

The other three men got on their feet and left the room, Pixis saying a soft: “Goodbye.” Erwin didn’t even look at him as if… as if Nile was something he could look down upon.

Nile tasted something bitter in his mouth. He wasn’t sure which emotion he felt right now was stronger – shame or anger. Or maybe, just _maybe_ a little bit of sadness.

After few minutes, Nile got up, pulled out a cigarette out of his pack and lit it. It didn’t help him very much but at least his hands stopped shaking.

This was his last meeting for today and he went directly to his quarters. There, he throw away the cigarette butt and headed to his bathroom. He took off his clothes slowly and then looked at himself in the mirror. Usually he didn’t look at himself; he thought it was too depressing.

He gulped at his reflection and ran his fingers through his hair before he turned the shower on and stood under a stream of hot water.

Nile sighed silently. There was nothing better than a hot shower when someone was having a bad day.

He enjoyed the warmth of the water and was taking his time.

After half an hour, he turned the shower off, grabbed a towel and started to dry himself. He sighed again as he caught himself thinking about the meeting again. He clenched his jaw – why Erwin had to always act like he was one step ahead of Nile? Like he knew better than Nile? Like he was better than Nile?

And a small voice inside of Nile’s head whispered: ‘ _Because he is_.’

The raven-haired man tried to suppress these thoughts but he couldn’t stop them. It really seemed that Erwin started to despise him because of what he liked. That was why he acted so cold, why he thought he was better than him.

If Nile only didn’t invite in in his quarters that time… Everything would be probably different. Nile felt his insides twisting at the memory. Everything started like a normal slightly drunk conversation between them. Then both became really drunk and they talked about things they would probably never talk if they were sober. They were telling funny stories, and then they remembered on their trainee days… and then Mike. Talking about him they literally drunk themselves to the point neither of them cared for anything.

Nile didn’t remember how exactly that happened but he knew they were kissing and he begged Erwin to tie him up, to control him. And Erwin was more than happy to obey.

Suddenly, Nile felt very tired (and ashamed). He didn’t bother to put on his pajamas and snuggled down into the bed although it wasn’t even dark outside. He closed his eyes trying to fall asleep, but before he could do that he suddenly felt something crawling under the sheet and touching his arm.

He jumped, quickly turned around and punched Erwin in his head. The blond didn’t make a sound and rather placed his hand on the left side of his head, where Nile punched him. “Was that necessary?”

“The hell you’re doing here, you bastard?” Nile asked and looked around.

Erwin pointed to the armchair which was so cleverly placed in the corner that Nile couldn’t see him there. “I’ve been there for some time. It’s not my fault you didn’t notice when you get back from the shower.”

“And who the hell let you in?” Nile snapped. He wasn’t in the mood for Erwin or anything the blond wanted.

Erwin completely ignored Nile’s angry tone and leaned to him, trying to kiss him but Nile pulled away from him. “Answer me!”

The blond frowned for a second before he did what Nile wanted: “I told the guards in that I have something serious to discuss with you and they let me in the barracks. And your door was open.”

“Well, I’m not in the mood so if you wanna fuck, you should go to brothel.” the raven-haired commander hissed angrily and turned away from Erwin, lying of his other side.

There was silence between them. It seemed like hours to Nile before Erwin spoke: “Is this about the meeting?”

“No.” Nile said, maybe too harshly. “Not really.”

“Tell me about it.” Erwin’s voice was almost kind as he lied down next to him and let the tips of his fingers run along Nile’s shoulders and arm. The touch was so pleasant that for few seconds Nile just gave up to it but then he remembered he was actually angry at Erwin and pushed his hand away.

Nile opened his mouth but nothing came out for few seconds. He had to collect his thoughts because he had no idea how to say it. It looked like you think I’m a scum? It looked like you and I were completely strangers? It looked like you didn’t respect me?

How could Nile say something like that and not sound like a crybaby or like a woman?!

Erwin spoke before Nile could decide what he would say: “Nile, turn around and look at me, please.”

The raven-haired commander was thinking about not doing it just because Erwin asked him to but then he decided that Erwin should have the option to say something to this matter, too, and he rolled over. Like their last time, which happened about two weeks ago, Erwin was fully clothed while Nile was completely naked under the sheets. It exited Nile a bit.

Erwin spoke calmly but not coldly: “You think I despise you because of what you like in bed... or, to be more specific, during sex in general?”

Nile couldn’t bring himself to look into these two blue eyes as he gulped, blushed and started babble: “W-Well, you acted… I m-mean… i-it seemed like-”

“Like I think you’re weak and submissive and thus I despise you?” Erwin raised his eyebrows.

Nile blushed. Erwin wasn’t supposed to guess everything without Nile giving him at least a small hint! How could the blonde bastard figure everything out so quickly? Or… Or was it because he thought about Nile the exact things he just said? 

The raven-haired commander nodded slowly.

“Do you consider yourself weak or submissive?” Erwin moved closer to him. “I really doubt that and I don’t see why I should, either. If anything I think you are a very stubborn man. You want to be respected and you even are… more than you think. I would never think you are weak or submissive because I’ve seen you more than one time doing a thing just because someone told you not to do it. You are very capable commander and you work very hard unlike many others soldiers in the Military Police. My point is… who we are on official meeting, in private and during sex are completely different things.”

Nile just stared at Erwin for few seconds and his mouth opened and closed few times before Erwin smirked and said: “You are very cute when you are embarrassed.”

Just as expected, Nile blushed and lightly punched Erwin in his arm. “And you’re an asshole!”

Erwin leaned closer and pushed his lips against Nile’s. The raven-haired commander moaned silently and ran his fingers into the blonde hair. Erwin grunted, obviously pleased, on the touch and moved closer, pulling away the sheets that were covering his partner’s body and then rolled Nile over on his back, pinning him to the mattress with his body. Nile moaned louder and opened his mouth, letting the blond’s tongue enter his mouth and explore. Nile really loved Erwin’s somehow bittersweet taste in his mouth and his weight on his body. It sent waves of pleasure right to his crotch.

“So you actually _are_ in the mood.” Erwin purred when they broke the kiss.

This time it was Nile who smirked: “I don’t know yet. I think I need more convincing.”

Erwin was incredibly glad that Nile finally relaxed a little. He leaned down again and aggressively bit Nile’s lower lip. The man underneath him wrapped his legs around his waist and pulled him closer.

“Where are the handcuffs?” Erwin asked sharply.

“I don’t have them here.”

Erwin sat up, slowly taking down his jacket and then unbuttoned the shirt. “Then put your hands on the headboard and you’re not allowed to let go of it until I say so, understood?”

“Yes, sir.” It was actually terrifying for Nile how naturally he obeyed Erwin’s orders.

The blond watched him like a cat watches a mouse before catching it, while he was slowly taking all of his clothes off. It was mind-blowing for Nile because he wasn’t allowed to touch him with his hands.

Erwin had to feel his desire because he smirked and asked: “Do you want to touch me?”

“Yes.” Nile moaned desperately.

“And can you?”

“No.”

“And why not?”

“Because you told me not to let go of headboard.” Nile blushed.

“Yesss.” Erwin purred, pleased. “That’s right.”

The blond finally bowed to him and his hands stroked Nile’s body – from his hip bones to his shoulders.

“You should see yourself Nile.” Erwin’s voice was low and possessive. “You look so good, so hot.” the blond clenched his jaw and dug his nails into Nile’s chest almost violently. Nile hissed painfully and his grip on the headboard became even stronger but he didn’t say anything to stop Erwin. He enjoyed the pain.

The blond looked at Nile, fascinated, until red marks appeared on the skin and then he gave a harsh and demanding kiss to him. The warmth and weight of Erwin’s well-muscled body was almost stifling and Nile had the feeling Erwin was going to devour him and his body, with that heat. And Nile wouldn’t mind it at all.

The raven-haired whined when Erwin pulled by his earlobe with his teeth and stared to lick his neck, suck on it and his teeth sank into the skin on his Adam’s apple. He felt the heat all over his body, making him wanting more and more. And when Erwin bit one of his nipples and twisted the other, he almost screamed with pleasure and pain. Without realizing it, Nile’s left hand let go of the headboard and he wrapped it around Erwin’s broad shoulders, trying to draw him closer. And the blond let him, even if only for a moment. Then Erwin straightened up, grabbed Nile’s wrist and twisted it in his hand. He didn’t break or dislocate anything but it hurt regardless.

Nile cried on the pain and the pleasure which was both caused by his action.

“I told you not to let go of it.” Erwin grunted, obviously unpleased.

“I know, sir.” Nile said, blushing. “I wasn’t paying attention and-“

“You weren’t paying attention?” Erwin sounded very dangerously. “The only thing you should be paying attention to is me.”

“I was thinking about you, sir, I swea--“

“So, now you’re telling it was my fault.”

Oh, how Nile hated Erwin sometimes. He would always have his way. The blond commanded: “Apologize.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“Good.” Erwin said, kissed Nile’s neck again and moved his Nile’s wrist back to the headboard. This time Nile focuses on not letting it go. Although Erwin didn’t decide to punish him, Nile had the feeling Erwin would get back to this matter later.

“Where do you have lube?” the blond said to Nile’s neck. The raven-haired man shivered at the warm air that left Erwin’s mouth and brushed over Nile’s sensitive skin.

“There’s a bowl of oil on the bedside table.” Nile whispered and watched Erwin reaching for the bowl.

The blond slowly covered his fingers with the oil.

Nile whined and titled his head back when Erwin’s finger entered his body. This time the blond didn’t bother with some long and thorough preparation. For one thing, he was lacking his patience and for another Nile started begging for more immediately. The blond added a second finger in no time and started stretching him.

Erwin was seriously impatient today because he pulled the two fingers out too soon, applied the rest of the oil on his cock and painfully slowly pushed himself into Nile.

It hurt. The raven-haired commander bit his lower lip and arched his back, breathing heavily. Sweat was covering his body but not even for one second he thought about telling Erwin to stop – this was what he wanted, this was what he needed.

The blond carefully watched all of Nile’s reaction and tried to remember them because they were all so beautiful. He waited until he saw Nile relaxing a little and then he thrust his hips. He set a hard, fast pace. Nile was surprised by it, gasping for breath and his eyes widened in shock. His grip on the headboard tightened and his legs wrapped around Erwin’s waist tightly, trying to pull the blond closer. But Erwin didn’t touch him except for a light squeezing on his hips to ease the way he pounded into him.

“Erwin, p-please—“ Nile chocked on his words and moaned when Erwin found his prostate. “L-Let me t-touch you.”

Erwin was panting hard as he smirked at Nile’s words and said: “No.”

A desperate, broken whine escaped Nile’s lips but he didn’t let go of the headboard, he shut his eyes tight, frowning and moaning at the waves of pleasure that Erwin’s thrusts were sending through his body. Even without any stimulation on his cock, without any touch, he was feeling how he was getting closer to climax.

And then suddenly Erwin stopped moving. Nile opened his eyes immediately to see what was wrong. His already racing heart his heart sped up even more when he saw the dangerous smile on Erwin’s face. The raven-haired commander was thinking about pushing his hips on Erwin’s cock to get some stimulation but he realized that Erwin would stop him anyway and thus he rather shut his eyes again and tried to offer him obedience, his face turning red. “Sir, please...”

The smile on Erwin’s face even widened. “What do you want, Nile?”

Nile felt his cheeks burning as he blushed, evidently embarrassed. “I want you to fuck me, sir.”

“Why should I do that after you disobeyed my order?” Nile knew that Erwin wouldn’t forget it.

“Please, sir, I’m terribly sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“I think I’ll just leave you there, wanting and desperate”

Nile cried and closed his eyes again. “Please...” he begged. “Please, sir.”

And Erwin finally laid down on him, putting his weight on him again and letting Nile feel his hot body. Then he gently took Nile’s hands by wrists a put them on his shoulders as he talked in a slow, gently voice which was so different from his expression before. “You are so beautiful when you beg, Nile. You are so obedient, so good and just for me, aren’t you?”

The raven-haired nodded quickly, because he didn’t think something else than moans and whines could escape his mouth, and while finally touching Erwin’s perfect broad back, he pushed his lips against Erwin’s. The blond grunted and let Nile deepened and controlled the kiss for the very first time. Nile was exploring the inside of his mouth eagerly like there was no tomorrow. He moved his hips, pulling almost all the way out of Nile and thrust back into him, hard and fast.

The man underneath him broke the kiss, whining loudly, and titled his head back. Erwin took the opportunity and pressed his lips on Nile’s neck, sucking and biting.

Then the blond looked up just to enjoy the view. Nile’s eyes were shut, his eyebrows wrinkled and his mouth open. Nile was so attractive, so hot and he didn’t even realize that! The fact was making Erwin crazy with possessiveness.

“Mine!” he growled, biting really hard Nile’s neck, hard enough to make a bruise that would last at least few days.

Nile only nodded because he wasn’t able to speak properly.

Both of them were close and when Erwin wrapped his fingers around Nile’s erection, the raven-haired man finally reached his limit, screaming loudly.

Erwin growled again, this time with pleasure, as Nile’s walls tightened around his member and then kissed him hard just before he came into his lover.

He didn’t break the kiss, only slowed it and softened it. Nile fingers ran into his hair, softly massaging Erwin’s head. It was pretty shocking for the blond because it was usually him who was cuddly and Nile always (well, these two times when they had been together) refused this kindness saying their relationship was only about sex. But he cleverly chose to not comment it because it was pretty nice and if he said something about it, Nile would immediately stop.

Nile hid his head in Erwin’s neck like a baby and Erwin could feel his soft, warm breath.

Deciding it could wait, he didn’t clean them and instead he rolled over, pulling Nile to his chest and covering them with sheets.

The raven-haired commander grumbled, already half-asleep and wrapped his arm around Erwin’s chest.

The blond also decided it would be nice to enjoy a small moment of peace before he would had to go outside the walls or before Nile would started complaining about everything again, and he closed his eyes, gently stroking Nile’s back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is exactly what happens when I'm having a depression. Anyway I hope you'll enjoy the final chapter ^_^

Nile’s eyes carefully watched Erwin. The blond was currently talking with that annoying imp and Pixis. He knew that Erwin and Levi had a very strong bond. He knew that there was trust between them that Nile and Erwin could never have. Not again. Maybe the trust was there during their trainee days, but now…

Nile gulped nervously – why was he feeling so nervous – before he took his glass of wine and drank from it. Sometimes he hated banquets, especially when a lot of members of Scouting Legion were invited. He felt them laugh at him and looking down at him like he was a trash.

They usually didn’t tell him, what they thought of MP, but when they did; they were (very unpleasantly) surprised how sharp his tongue could be.

Sometimes, Nile wondered what would’ve happened if he didn’t join Military Police, if he joined Scouting Legion. Well, he would be probably dead but what if he wasn’t? Would he manage to stay close with Mike and Erwin? Or would they grow away anyway?

Would he have changed how they did?

 _Congratulations, idiot, you managed to depress yourself,_ he thought as he poured another glass of wine for himself.

It’s been about three months since he and Erwin started their… thing. They didn’t… do _it_ as often as Nile would wished but he would never say that out loud – he surely wasn’t going to beg Erwin to have more sex with him. They usually found time for each other once a week or two, but now it’s been three weeks and Nile was slowly becoming desperate. Both of them were terribly busy lately but that wouldn’t keep his mind from thinking about Erwin and his perfect… everything.

“Aww, isn’t it cute, Moblit?” Nile pretended he didn’t hear Hanji talking with her subordinate. They were choosing liquor for themselves when Hanji looked in Erwin’s direction.

“What exactly, squad-leader?” Moblit blinked few times confusingly.

Hanji giggled like a teenage-girl. Nile realized Hanji maybe was a bit drunk. “Isn’t it clear?” she giggled again. “Haven’t you noticed how Erwin and Levi spent few last days together? It’s clear they are getting closer and closer, if you know what I mean.”

Nile instinctively looked back at Erwin. He was lightly smiling with his hand on Levi’s shoulder and the shorter man let him. A small voice in Nile’s head said: ‘ _She’s right… look how close they are._.’

The raven-haired commander chose to ignore this voice and instead he drank up the glass, reaching for another immediately.

Nile drank to stop the voice but soon he realized the liquor was doing the opposite. The more he was drinking, the more the voice was louder. Somehow it sounded like his mother.

He giggled when he recognized the voice, perfectly gaining attention from few people around him. They were looking at him as… as if he was drunk.

Nile kept drinking until he couldn’t even walk straight. Then he headed for the restroom, somehow managing not to catch a lot of attention; how even could he when commander Charming was in the room, right?

He leaned against the bathroom sink, trying to calm his breath and racing heart. He waited few minutes and drank the water from the tap. When he thought he was able to walk, then excuse himself politely, and go home, he turned around – too quickly – and his head was dizzying. Quickly, he grabbed the sink again, leaning against it.

“Nile?”

Oh, it was so typical. Nile had to be so unlucky to meet Erwin in his pathetic state.

“Are you feeling alright?” Erwin asked, probably completely knowing which state Nile had been in.

“Fuck off.” the raven-haired mumbled with no real threat. He didn’t need Erwin’s help… except he was.

The blond completely ignored Nile’s harsh words, walked to him and wrapped his arm around his own shoulders. Instinctively, Nile leaned on him and closed his eyes. He felt so dizzy and so tired. “Idiot. Someone’ll see us.”

“It’s your fault.” Erwin pointed out without any complains in his voice – he simply stated the truth while he was helping Nile walk outside the restroom. “You drank yourself on joint action.”

“Hmm… sorry about that.” Nile let his head rest on Erwin’s shoulder… just for a moment, he told himself.

Nile never apologized but Erwin chose not to comment it; if he did, Nile would never apologize again.

The raven-haired commander continued to mumbling. “You know I think we’ve just wasted an amazing chance to have kinky public sex.”

Erwin chuckled as he slowly closed the door behind them. “You’re not able to walk let alone having sex.”

Somehow the blond managed to get them out of the banquet without any commotions and soon they stood in front of Nile’s quarters – the raven-haired commander leaning against a wall and the blond searching in Nile’s pocket for the keys.

He found them soon, opened the door and helped Nile in. Then he closed again and locked. Nile staggered to the bed and fell down on it, still in his clothes and boots.

Erwin walked over to Nile and gently started to taking off his boots. Nile grunted pleasantly and lied down on his back.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asked.

“Dizzy.” Nile answered. “Dizzy and happy.”

That was unusual. Nile had never said he was happy before – never. The blond took off Nile’s second boot together with his socks and slowly, he started to massage his feet.

Nile groaned. “Have I ever told you have amazing hands, Erwin?”

“No.” Erwin said honestly, gently pressing Nile’s ankle. “I actually think this is the first time you’ve give me a compliment ever. Maybe you should get drunk more often.”

“Maybe.” the raven-haired yawned. “Anyway you don’t need compliments from me.”

“Don’t I?” Erwin smiled, now stroking Nile’s legs.

“No.” Nile shook his head. “You’ve got so many admirers, you don’t need me. They can say you that you have perfect hair, perfect broad shoulders, perfect eyebrows, and perfect muscles, perfect everything. And, shit, these blue icy eyes make a man melt.”

“This is what you think?” Erwin stopped massaging and raised his ‘perfect’ eyebrows. “That I’m perfect?”

“Don’t you have a mirror in your quarters?” Nile smirked a little, his voice sleepy.

This was… surprising. Erwin had always thought that Nile hated him when they first met. The blond knew that a lot of people admired his appearance, but he had always thought Nile wasn’t impressed by anyone and he stack with Erwin and Mike just because everybody else thought the raven-haired man was a nerd and a jerk, and they didn’t want to speak with him.

“Why didn’t you mention it before?”

“Because you’d get cocky.” was Nile’s smug answer.

Erwin didn’t say anything anymore and instead he helped Nile out of his pants and jacket.

“What are you waiting for, Erwin.” Nile asked impatiently as he was lying on the bed only in his underwear. “Let’s fuck.”

“No.”

“Why the fuck no?” Nile kicked Erwin in his abdomen a little.

“Because you are drunk. People should sleep together only if they are both drunk or if they’re both sober.” Erwin said. “I’m not going to abuse you in your weakened state.”

Erwin should’ve known that Nile would perceive only one word… “Who the hell are you calling weak? Stop joking around and fuck me!”

And then the blond finally understood. His lips curved a little and he took off most of his clothes. After that he lied down next to Nile, covering them with the sheets.

“The hell?” Nile looked at him with annoyed expression.

“Do you honestly think that if you want to be with me, we have to have sex?” Erwin asked and, maybe a little forcedly, he pulled Nile closer to his chest.

Nile blushed a little. “W-We’re both grown men we can’t be… cuddling. It’s gross!”

“But you enjoy it and there is no one around to see that.” Erwin knew Nile wanted to be close to him right now but he also knew that Nile would never admit it or ask for it.

Nile looked into his eyes, pretended to be angry but with his tired, widen eyes, it was pretty impossible. “Just tonight.” he mumbled and rested his head on Erwin’s chest. The blond said nothing, wrapped his arm around Nile and stroked his back with the tips of his fingers.

Through Nile’s lips escaped a relaxed sigh and he closed his eyes, slowly falling asleep into the sound of Erwin’s heart.

* * *

 

Nile thought it wouldn’t be wise to get used to having Erwin around. Unfortunately, it was already too late.

After that fiasco when Nile was so drunk he actually let Erwin to cuddle with him (only by remembering it, Nile’s turned red like a tomato), their relationship changed a little. When Erwin dropped by, they didn’t spend all the time in the bedroom like they used to, instead, they sometimes went outside… to the cafeteria, the restaurant and few times they even went to the theatre.

Of course nobody knew about the true form of their relationship – Nile would never let something like that happen – but it was rumored that they didn’t fight over everything like they used to and they slowly were becoming friends.

The truth was way more complicated. Nile caught himself looking forward to their reunion, not only because of amazing sex but just to enjoy Erwin’s company, and it freaked the hell out of him. And the more time they spend together, the more Nile had the feeling it was all wrong.

More than once he was thinking that Erwin would maybe find some girl (or Levi) and he would leave him. Of course that would be alright because there was nothing between them except for sex. Nile always knew the day would come once anyway. After all… Erwin was the most charming man in Scouting Legion and Nile was… Nile and, although he would never let anyone speak about him as about a loser (well, except for his mother), deep down he knew he was one.

The raven-haired commander huffed. Now he was thinking like some teenage girl with a stupid crash on a boy. He already knew that sooner or later Erwin was going to leave him… until that time he should make the most of it.

* * *

 

Nile and Erwin had an argument. That was nothing special – they used to argue a lot. In fact Nile had wondered how long exactly they could live until they would argue. It was him, who started it, just like usual. Nile subconsciously always challenged Erwin about everything and the only thing that kept them from fights was Erwin’s peaceful and calm nature – Erwin hated arguments and Nile’s barbs usually didn’t mean a thing to him. But sometimes even Erwin had a bad day and he would snap back.

The thing they argue about wasn’t even important but the fight soon turned into something wild and Erwin left Nile’s quarters with his face pale with anger, but other than that nothing seemed to be wrong with the blonde commander.

Nile didn’t feel easy at all. And the fact that Erwin was currently outside the walls on a mission wasn’t helping, either.

He was still thinking about Hanji and her words back then. When she said that Erwin and Levi were so close and it seemed they were getting even closer. Maybe Erwin had been in love with the shortie for a long time and, when he wasn’t sure Levi wanted him, he started seeing Nile. What if Levi told him that he liked him back?

The raven-haired commander felt something hard in his chest. He wasn’t sure what the feeling was but he wanted it to go away. He wanted to let it all go and paradoxically, it was always Erwin who helped him to do that.

At night, Nile couldn’t fall asleep. His eyes were still focused on the wall or the ceiling, thinking what he should say during that argument. Maybe he shouldn’t say anything at all. If he only hadn’t started it. Oh god why did he have to be so bad at… relationships.

He didn’t want Erwin to leave him, even though he knew the blond was going to anyway. And for the first time, Nile actually considered seriously apologizing which was something he never thought about before.

He curled up into a ball like a small child and kept looking at the wall. After few hours, he finally felt his eyelids getting heavier and he eventually closed his eyes, feeling asleep.

And then, in the moment he closed them, there was a pounding on his door.

Nile opened his eyes again, wide awake and for few seconds he was just lying in his bed unable to move, his body strained.

The pounding was there again, harder this time. The raven-haired man got up and headed to the door, opening it, wearing only his pajamas.

Erwin was standing on his doorstep. It rained that night; and so he was wet, still in his uniform and his hair was messy.

“What the hel-” Nile didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence because Erwin wrapped his fingers around his neck (not squeezing though) and kissed him aggressively.

Now, Nile was totally confused. He didn’t understand but since Erwin didn’t tell him they had to stop this, he chose to overlook it. He quickly opened his mouth, letting Erwin’s tongue to enter his mouth.

Erwin’s other hand meanwhile founded Nile’s hair and pulled by them, which was followed Nile’s loud moan as his head was titled back and Erwin grunted into the kiss, almost angrily. He pushed Nile’s body with his, directing them into the room and slammed the door.

It was the moment, when Nile realized there was something wrong with Erwin. He was pale as never and his eyes had some strange coldness that Nile had never seen in him before. With sudden fear, he thought that maybe Erwin was planning making this their last night together. Maybe he was still angry about that argument.

His thinking was interrupted by Erwin when the blond broke the kiss and bit him hard into his neck. The raven-haired commander hissed on the sudden pain. “Erwin, wai-”

“Get on your knees and suck my cock.” Erwin grunted.

Nile blinked at him, confusingly. “Er-”

But the blond grabbed him by his chin and looked right in his eye. “Get. On. Your. Knees. If I have to say it a third time, you’ll regret it.” and they he pushed his chin roughly.

He was angry… really, really angry.

Anyway – Nile would be happy if he had never experienced being fucked by angry Erwin. Well, too late now.

And because he didn’t want to make it worse, he obeyed, got on his knees and helped Erwin’s member out of the pants with his shaking hands. His heart was racing but it wasn’t with pleasure this time.

Nile usually enjoyed giving Erwin a blowjob. He really loved the low noises that the blond was making during it and how he praised him about it – how amazing Nile felt to him – but today it was different.

Erwin was still making sexy noises but they were different – they were lower and they sounded more dangerously. Niles missed the blond’s hand on his nape and on the back of his head, petting him. And Erwin still didn’t say anything at all. For the first time Nile actually wanted it to be over already.

It seemed to be an eternity before Erwin pulled by Nile’s hair violently and ordered: “Turn around. I don’t wanna hear anything.”

And Nile did what the blond said; still somehow hoping his obedience would please Erwin a little at least.

He was glad that Erwin chose this position, because this way he didn’t have to look into his eyes and instead he could face the floor.

He heard Erwin moving around the room, taking off his wet clothes and looking for the oil. Nile would’ve told him where it was but he was told to be quiet; he was a bit afraid that his voice would crack.

Nile always wanted to struggle a little with Erwin in the bed but tonight, he wanted to be good; not because he wanted to be obedient but because he didn’t want Erwin to end this.

In few seconds, Erwin was back behind him and, too slowly, entered him with a finger. Nile bit his lower lip, fighting the urge to moan.

Tonight Erwin chose to give him proper and slow preparation which was terrible to Nile. He really wanted this to be over and talk with Erwin because Nile’s mind was full of thoughts. Was… was he going to leave him? Maybe Erwin planned this to be their last night together. But would he want to sleep with him if he wanted to end it? And maybe there was something worrying him and this wasn’t actually about Nile.

Nile needed an answer whether it was good or bad and because he had been a pessimist he supposed it to be the bad one.

It seemed like hours before Erwin added second finger and then eternity before he added third. Soon, the blond founded his prostate and Nile had to bit his lip harder – this time he even felt blood on his tongue.

Erwin pulled his fingers out and grabbed Nile’s wrists, twisting them behind his back. Nile’s face met the hard, cold floor and he focused his eyes on the foot of the bed, gasping for breath when Erwin entered him with his cock.

He didn’t wait a second to let Nile to adjust and started trusting into him; he didn’t really have to since he prepared Nile well, but it still hurt a little. Erwin moved one of his hands to Nile’s hip a grabbed him, making bruises; his other hand kept holding Nile’s hands.

His thrusts were fast and hard. Both of them were quiet except for heavy breathing and the sound of their bodies hitting each other’s.

Erwin’s thrusts were sending waves of pleasure to Nile’s body, but he didn’t enjoy them. He was still thinking. Erwin had never been so quiet – he always commented Nile’s stated, telling him how he was good and how he should see himself.

Nile closed his eyes tiredly when Erwin let go his hip and wrapped his fingers around his neck from behind without actually squeezing, just assuring Nile wouldn’t move. Tonight it seemed to be ‘first time night’ in more than one ways. For first time, Erwin was fucking him while he was angry. For first time, he didn’t talk to him while he was fucking him. For first time, Nile didn’t enjoy it. And now, for first time, Nile considered using the safeword.

He even tried to say it but he just choked on the word due to Erwin’s especially hard thrust into him.

He didn’t try to say it again. He didn’t want Erwin to think he was weak, to think he couldn’t take it… He didn’t want to disappoint him.

Suddenly he felt his eyes burn.

 _Oh, no, no, no, no!_ he thought, panicking, as he felt his eyes watering. _Don’t cry, just don’t cry! You are a man!_

Erwin was still thrusting into him for few seconds before he stopped suddenly. “Nile?” he asked, still panting, but he sounded worried.

Nile realized his body was shaking like a leaf in the wind, and he was somehow glad that Erwin didn’t see his face.

The blond took his member out of him so fast, it made Nile wince. Erwin also pulled away, giving Nile some space and leaving him in coldness after his lover’s warm body left him.

“Nile, are you…” Erwin’s voice cracked. He gulped loudly and changed his question, managing to calm his voice. “What do you want me to do?”

“It’s alright.“ Nile got up on his four, putting his face off the floor. “It’s alright. Y-You can keep going…” his voice was shaking terribly and he was fixing his eyes on the floor, not wanting to look at the blond. It was so fucking embarrassing.

“Nile, for fuck’s sake, I-“ Erwin took a deep breath before he crawled to Nile, carefully placing his hand on the small of Nile’s back. The raven-haired commander started to shake even more but the gentle touch was welcomed.

“Why didn’t you tell me something?” Erwin asked but he sounded more worrying about Nile than blaming him. “I… I…” It was so strange; Erwin being speechless. It didn’t fit him at all and it was probably even worse than seeing him angry. Eventually, Erwin calmed himself and, controlling his voice carefully, he said: “I’m sorry, Nile, I didn’t mean to-”

Nile spoke before he could stop himself and think about it: “Are you going to leave me?”

The moment the words left his mouth, he felt so stupid and embarrassed. He sounded like some hysterical woman!

And of course this confused Erwin. He frowned, obviously confused by Nile’s question. The raven-haired commander felt even more embarrassed, he felt his face turning red as he started mumbling: “W-Well, you… I… you were angry…and… and I thought… You were acting strangely today and I… I thought you got tired of me and…”

“Got tired of you?” Erwin’s eyes widened a bit, then the blond carefully and slowly, as if he was trying to get closer to a wounded animal, he took Nile’s hand in his and drew them closer.

If Nile was in his normal state, he would push the blond away, telling him it was disgusting, but now Nile was glad for the touch and turned around to let his face hide in Erwin’s neck, moving his body to rest on Erwin’s lap and wrapping his arms around the broad shoulders. He still didn’t want him to see the dried tears on his face. This position already made Nile embarrassed more than enough without Erwin knowing about it.

The blond put his hands on the small of Nile’s back again, slowly stroking him. “Nile, why would I… that’s just…”

Nile realized that he wasn’t the only one who was scared to talk about his… feelings. _When exactly did I turn into a crybaby?_ he thought. He sounded so pathetically.

Neither Nile nor Erwin had ever been the guys who talked about their emotions – it was almost unthinkable for them. Nile still remembered the first (and last) girl who he said ‘I love you’ to – she laughed at him and walked away. The truth was that deep, very deep down Nile had always been afraid of rejection. Just like now.

His heart started racing, his palms were sweating when he opened his mouth and said: “Ilovou.”

“What?” Erwin asked confusingly.

Nile blushed and tried to say it again but he choked at his words again. He decided to take a deep breath before saying it for third (and hopefully last) time: “I love you.”

The silence that followed his words was deafening and devastating. Nile closed his eyes, regretting he had ever said it in the first place.

Then Erwin buried his nose in Nile’s hair, pulling him closer. “I was so tensed because a man died on the expedition. Right in front of my eyes. He looked a lot of like you…”

Nile didn’t know what to say. And so he said the things he was usually saying: “Are you an idiot? I’m not a member of Scouting Legion. There is almost no chance of me getting eaten by a titan.”

Erwin’s lips curved a little and it helped Nile to feel better more than he was willing to admit. “Yeah. I guess I’m an idiot because I feel the same way as you do. And I apologize for before. I should’ve known when to stop.”

“Hey, say it properly and not this shitty replacement.” Nile frowned, rather looking angrily than embarrassedly. “And don’t change the subject all of sudden.”

Erwin clenched his jaw, putting one of his hands on the nape of Nile’s neck, and kissed him, slowly and _almost_ romantically. Another thing that Nile liked more than he should've.

When they broke apart, Erwin looked into his eyes and smirked. “I love you, too, darling.”

“W-What--did you just--don’t ever say that again!” Nile blushed furiously and punched Erwin in the shoulder.

Erwin pretended to be confused. “But it was you who wanted me to say it.”

“You fucking know what I’m talking about! Don’t call me ‘darling’!”

Erwin laughed lightly before he pressed his lips on Nile’s; the raven-haired man was still blushing but he tightened the wrap around Erwin’s shoulders and he leaned back, laying on the floor and dragging Erwin with him.

The blond grunted into the kiss, pleased, and deepened it.

Their tongues battled for domination for few seconds, before Erwin let Nile win and explore his mouth. While Nile was enjoying his small victory, Erwin touched Nile’s hip where he left bruises few minutes before, gently stroking the skin.

When Erwin sucked Nile’s lip, the raven-haired man groaned, shut his eyes tight and rolled his hips against the blond’s. Erwin groaned and pulled away a little. “Are you sur-”

“For fuck’s sake stop acting like that. I’m not made of glass.” Nile hissed.

Erwin smiled. “Of course you aren’t.” The blond slowly position himself properly and entered Nile again.

Nile whined and tilted his head back, exposing the sensitive skin of his neck. Erwin took the opportunity and started sucking on the skin, marking Nile as his. Without stopping, he took Nile by the back of his knees and forced them down so the Nile’s head was between them.

The raven-haired commander moaned louder because Erwin could pound really deep into him like this, and dug his nails into the blond’s back.

Erwin smirked. “I’m so…” the blond had to grunt as Nile tightened his walls around him – probably on purpose. “I’m so glad you are still as flexible as you…” another groan escaped his lips and he had to close his eyes for a second. “…as you were during our training.”

Nile really wanted to tell him he should shut up but when he opened his mouth, Erwin thrust really hard and the only thing that came out of him was a desperate moan.

“Erwin, you’re so fucking good!” Nile screamed as the blond pounded into his sweet spot every time and dragged him closer. The blond hid his face in Nile’s collarbone, giving him sweet gently bites.

Nile had to admit that from time to time he enjoyed the gentleness, but really only from time to time.

He closed his eyes and ran with his fingers through Erwin’s hair. The blond grunted pleasantly; and tightened his grip. Erwin always slowly pulled almost completely out of Nile; and then pounded back into him.

And after few minutes, when Nile was slowly getting to his limit, Erwin suddenly stopped moving; his muscles tensed up and he groaned loudly.

The raven-haired commander made a smug face as he felt Erwin coming inside of him. “Did you just come? Pretty early don’t you think?”

Erwin smirked. “Smartass.” Then he pulled out of Nile, therefore the other commander jerked a little, and moved downwards, putting Nile’s legs over his shoulders and then slowly licked the other commander’s cock from the hilt to the top, just to tease him.

Which he managed without difficulty. Nile moaned, very pleased, and fisted his fingers in the blonde hair.

“Erwin, please!” he grunted almost angrily.

“Mm?” Erwin had really smug expression. “What did you say?”

“You know fucking exactly what I said.” Nile whined and tilted his head back. “Please, suck me!”

“Only because you’re begging so cutely.”

Nile thought it was so annoying when Erwin got cocky but he didn’t have the chance to say something about it because the blond took him in his mouth, swallowing his cock to the hilt. A broken whine escaped his lips.

Nile loved the warmth of Erwin’s mouth and a part of him enjoyed how Erwin tortured him by sucking and licking his cock so slowly, moving his head up and down. If he did it any faster, Nile would come immediately. This way he could last a bit longer and enjoy it although, in his opinion too soon, he felt something very familiar…

“Erwin, I-”

The blond had to know what Nile was going to say, because he sucked extra hard, Nile widened his eyes and came with a very loud moan; and Erwin swallowed all of his come eagerly.

Nile finally relaxed his body and closed his eyes, tiredly. He felt Erwin moving closer to him and then pressing his lips against Nile’s.

The raven-haired commander pulled away immediately, making a disgusted face. “Ugh, are you kidding me?! I’m not going to kiss you when I just came into your-”

Erwin completely ignored Nile’s bitching, took him by his face, turned him back so they looked into each other’s eyes and kissed him.

Nile refused to open his mouth for few seconds but eventually he gave up with a sigh, when Erwin insisted and gave his ass a squeeze.

To be honest it wasn’t all that bad even although Nile saw no point in telling it to Erwin.

“Don’t you want to move into the bed?” Erwin asked when they broke the kiss.

“Nah.” Nile shook his head and closed his eyes. “Too tired to move.”

Erwin chuckled a little, reaching for the sheet on the bed and then wrapping it around them.

* * *

 

The following morning, Nile had been woken up by a knock on his door. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d overslept so he didn’t pay attention to that and said with a sharp and sleepy voice: “Come in.”

The door opened and Nile realized that his back hurt like hell. Why the hell did he sleep on the floor tonight?!

And then he remembered; why he was on the floor, why he felt an arm wrapped around his waist.

Unfortunately, before he could turn around and tell to whoever was behind the door to wait, the man opened the door and entered: “Sir, you didn’t come to the meeting. Does that mean-oh.”

Nile felt his cheeks burn a little as he saw the surprised expression on his subordinate’s face. The raven-haired commander planned to safe some of his dignity by saying something really smart but Erwin, still lying next to him, just had to choose this moment to woke up and move.

The blond started to smile and, before Nile could say anything, said: “Good morning, darling.” and leaned for a kiss.

Nile quickly pushed him away and looked back at the man in the doorway.

The raven-haired was pretty lucky that this man acted polite and said: “I see you are busy, commander. I’ll be waiting for you in your office then.” like nothing was wrong; and then left them alone, closing the door behind him.

Erwin was looking at him as he left and then back at Nile, who threw the sheet over his head. “Idiot!” and then quickly got up so he could dress up.

“I thought you were going to show me to your mother after yesterday.” Erwin said with a smug voice.

“No fucking way!” Nile hissed as he almost fell while he was trying to put his pants on. “She’d have a heart attack.”

“But why?” Erwin smiled way too innocently. “I thought she wanted you to bring her a beautiful, charming and busty blond.”

“You’re not funny!”

Erwin smirked and Nile had to fight the urge to punch him in the face.

Nile was just buttoning his shirt, when he felt hands on his hips. Erwin breathed on his neck which was very pleasant to Nile, so he closed his eyes. Then the blond said seductively: “Why are you dressing up?”

Nile immediately felt his heart ricing, his body almost melting. Somehow he managed to say calmly: “I have work to do.”

“True.” Erwin purred into his ear and licked his earlobe and Nile didn’t have the will to stop him. “But you have also a lover you must take care of and in my opinion, he comes first.” and every single piece of Nile’s resistance was smashed when one of Erwin’s hands ran under Nile’s shirt, stroking his belly, and the other started to gently squeezing Nile’s cock through his pants.

Seriously, not even during their trainee days, Nile had no idea Erwin would be such a horny pervert. But that didn’t mean he was going to complain about it.

Nile moaned, titled his head back, giving Erwin the access to his neck, letting him licking, kissing and biting.

Well, it looked like even after the scandal (which definitely his and Erwin’s relationship would be), he could still enjoy this morning.


End file.
